I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
