Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
