And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
