so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
