Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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