She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
