The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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