Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
