I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
