how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
