Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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