...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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