and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
