Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
