I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize