hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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