It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
