My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
