I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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