Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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