Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
