I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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