Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
