All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize