yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
