Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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