I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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