That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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