U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
