The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
