I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
