and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
