Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
