Please, let me fuck your mom
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you had me at cake vodka
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
