Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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