did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
where am i from again
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
