I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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