walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
