it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
