Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
