We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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