He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
