At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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