Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
