Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
