whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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