i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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