The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
