you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
where are you?
Hypothermia
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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