I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's always time for handjobs
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
