he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
