you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My penis needs a shock collar
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
