You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Semen is not good for contacts.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
