Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
