i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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