and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
