it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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