then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
