Do you still have your period?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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