Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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