Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
