I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's blow job season.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
