I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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