They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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